About Me
Hello, I’m Simon šš¼
Relationship & Couples Coach
Though I now feel quite comfortable confronting others and addressing conflict when it arises in my relationships, it hasnāt always been that way. For most of my life, I avoided confrontation because I was scared of it and simply didnāt know how to deal with the conflict that would inevitably arise from it. I donāt know about you, but I wasnāt taught how to resolve conflict without arguing and declaring someone as right and someone as wrong. And I certainly wasnāt taught how to clearly express my feelings and my needs.
A Childhood Scarred By Conflict
Conflict has had a presence in my life for as long as I can rememberā¦
My parents divorced when I was eight, and their inability to effectively communicate led to a bitter separation that took a decade in court to resolve. A few years after their separation, tired of the court mandated visitation schedule impacting my musical pursuits in school, I requested a change, which my father resisted. As he was unwilling to search for a resolution that worked for us both, I hired a lawyer to represent me in court and was eventually granted the ability to decide for myself how and with whom I spend my time. Unfortunately, the connection with my father was deeply impacted, and we eventually stopped seeing and speaking to each other. The next time he and I communicated was when I reached out to try to reconnect with himā¦ seventeen years later.
Now as an adult, I do the work that I do to be the resource for others that I desperately needed long ago.
The Power Of Nonviolent Communication
In the run-up to the 2020 United States presidential election, my best friend and I were in a group chat with a few other mutual friends. We all shared many of the same political beliefs, so there wasnāt much discord in the chat. Then one day, I characterized a political figure in a way my best friend didnāt like. Tension arose between us. He took my words as a personal attack on his character, and in his own words to āput me in my placeā, he shared into the chat information about my life that I had shared with him in confidentiality. I was deeply hurt. I instantly lost all trust in him and our friendship was severely damaged.
I didnāt want to lose my best friend, but I also couldnāt pretend as if everything was okā¦
The following day I worked up the courage to call him and speak about what happened, but the conversation didnāt go well. I shared how his behavior impacted me, but somehow I didnāt feel like he really got it. āHow do I be honest in a way that will actually help, and not further destroy our relationship?ā
Hurt, confusion, hopelessness, sadness, lostness, and powerlessness arose in me. āNow what?ā Well, I did the only thing I could think to doā¦ nothing. Nothing but sit with my experience. Then somehow, as if from outer space, a memory emerged. I remembered a book I had read years earlier,Ā Marshall Rosenbergās Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships,Ā and I wondered to myself, āHad I just found a way to reconcile my relationship with my best friend?ā
Hopeful, I immediately searched Nonviolent Communication on YouTube and proceeded to watch a video of Marshall teaching a seminar on the basics of NVC. Somehow, although Iām not sure how, I knew I had found what I was looking for. Over the next few weeks, I immersed myself in the teachings of Nonviolent Communication by watching every YouTube video of Marshall I could find, some many times over.
Eventually, still shaky but confident enough,Ā I wrote down what I wanted to say to my best friend, made sure all my words were in alignment with the teachings of Nonviolent Communication, and had a conversation with him. To my amazement, the conversation went well! I experienced being heard and understood, and we were able to reconcile our friendship. A friendship that still persists to this day.
Though my experience was quite the emotional rollercoaster, it was also one that changed the course of my life. Since then, Iāve studied Nonviolent Communication with trainers from around the world, includingĀ receiving specialized training in coaching and mediation, and the results have been nothing short of astonishing. Iāve learned how to express myself, be fully honest, and confront others in a way they are likely to enjoy. Iāve learned how to listen to others that hold perspectives I disagree with, even dislike, and fall in love with what theyāre saying. Iāve learned how to resolve conflict in a way that actually creates more connection in the relationship. And most importantly, Iāve learned how to release myself from feelings of guilt and shame, enabling me to ask for what I truly want without fear of hearing a āno,ā and easily receive negative feedback from people that are angry or upset with me.
When conflict arises in a relationship we care about, we often believe we have only two optionsā¦ āDo I shut up and deal with it in order to maintain the relationship? Or be honest, and risk losing everything?ā It can seem like thereās no way out. However, Iāve learned that it doesnāt have to be that wayā¦ thereās another option. Thereās a way to be fully honest AND maintain the connection. Thereās a way to find the peace beyond conflict.
From Slovenia With Love
In 2021, intent on learning how to help others struggling with conflict in relationships, I began a nine-month conflict coaching and mediation training led by John Kinyon, one of the world’s best mediators. Each week in class, John taught us a new element related to coaching and/or mediation, and in the days between classes, we were to practice implementing what we learned with our fellow trainees. The minimum practice requested of us was one coaching and one mediation practice per week, although as I knew I wanted to one day work as a professional coach and mediator, I scheduled a practice session and sometimes two, nearly every day of the week. My practice schedule was above and beyond any other trainee’s, except one… Mireille, a Dutch woman living in Slovenia.
Excited to find someone equally obsessed with coaching and mediation, Mireille and I began practicing together four and sometimes five times a week, a schedule that we maintained throughout the training and for many months after. Eventually, with the training behind us, our practice sessions transformed into hangout sessions, and we effortlessly and seamlessly transitioned from practice buddies to close friends.
For the next year and a half, Mireille and I spoke on the phone nearly every day, sharing the ups and downs of our lives with each other. As we grew closer and closer as friends, I began to ask myself if I wanted to remain as friends or continue to expand our connection into deeper levels of intimacy. Eventually, I realized that the only way I would know for sure was to meet Mireille in person.
Flash forward to December 2023. I’m driving into the arrivals section at the Charlotte-Douglas International Airport, and I see Mireille standing there waiting for me.
I remember seeing her face as she got into my car at the airport, and as I write these words, I feel an immense sense of joy. Her whole face lit up, and I imagine mine did as well. Needless to say, our connection in person was even better than through the phone, and when she flew home to Slovenia a few weeks later, we departed as boyfriend and girlfriend.
At some point in the last few years, Mireille shared with me that she had looked into the meaning of our names. My name Simon comes from the Hebrew name ש֓××Ö°×¢×Ö¹× (Shimāon) and means āto hearā or āto listen.ā Fitting for a coach, right? Her name, Mireille, is of Hebrew and French origin and means either “to admire” or “miracle,” the latter of which describes how I view her presence in my life, a miracle.
Currently, I live in Asheville while Mireille lives in Slovenia, and we maintain a long-distance relationship while we work towards my emigration to Slovenia.
I wouldn’t want you to think that our relationship has been without its ups and downs, because that wouldn’t be the truth. That being said, what’s different is that I now have many resources, both internal and external, to deal with the pain that arises in our relationship, and we both continue to improve our communication skills so we’re better able to stop fights before they start and repair our connection after a fight. All in all, we spend most of our time loving each other, having fun, and working towards building the life that we want to live.
More About Me
Buddhism
The teachings of Lord Buddha are the guiding spiritual principles of my life. Since 2015, Iāve maintained a daily meditation practice and spent one-hundred days in silence on various meditation retreats.
Musician
Playing jazz was the focus of my life from age 10 to 26. Although I no longer play the saxophone, I do still play the Native American flute every once in a while.
Veganism
Iāve been vegan since 2014 and love to cook healthy plant-based meals: salads, soups, stir-frys, pasta, tacos, and more! The dish above is nasi goreng, an Indonesian stir-fried rice dish that Mireille taught me how to make.
Cat Dad
Meet Willow (aka Miss Willow). She likes cantaloupe, split pea soup, sourdough bread, and vanilla ice cream. I love her green eyes and calm demeanor.
Nature
I enjoy going for walks in nature. I live in Asheville, North Carolina, and the above picture is from a hike my partner and I did up to the Haw Creek Valley Overlook.
Fun Fact
My name Simon comes from the Hebrew name ש֓××Ö°×¢×Ö¹× (Shimāon),Ā and means āto hearā or āto listen.ā
Education
ā¤Ā Master of Business Administration in Entrepreneurship (2013-2014), Acton School of Business
ā¤Ā Master of Music in Jazz Studies (2010-2012), The University of Texas at Austin
ā¤Ā Bachelor of Music in Jazz Studies (2010-2012), The University of Texas at Austin
Professional Trainings
Nonviolent Communication Trainings
As an assistant:
ā¤Ā Connecting2Life Intermediate Course (Jan 2024), 11-week training taught by Bonno Lange.
ā¤Ā Connecting2Life Basic Course (July 2023), 9-week training taught by Bonno Lange.
ā¤Ā Connecting2Life Intermediate Course (May 2023), 10-week training taught by Bonno Lange.
ā¤Ā Connecting2Life Basic Course (Jan 2023), 11-week training taught by Bonno Lange.
ā¤Ā Connecting2Life Intermediate Course (Jan 2023), 11-week training taught by Bonno Lange.
ā¤ Connecting2Life Advanced Course (Oct 2022), 10-week training taught by Bonno Lange.
ā¤Ā Conflict to Connection with Self & Others (Nov 2021), 12-week course on intrapersonal healing and conflict resolution taught by certified NVC trainer John Kinyon.
As a participant:
ā¤Ā Conflict Coaching & Mediation (2021-2022), 9-month course on conflict coaching, mediation, and healing & reconciliation taught by certified NVC trainer John Kinyon.
ā¤Ā Connecting2Life Advanced Course (Jan 2022), 12-week training taught by certified NVC trainer Yoram Mosenzon.
ā¤Ā Connecting2Life Advanced Course (Oct 2021), 9-week training taught by certified NVC trainer Yoram Mosenzon.
ā¤Ā Conflict to Connection with Self & Others (July 2021), 12-week course on intrapersonal healing and conflict resolution taught by certified NVC trainer John Kinyon.
ā¤Ā Virtual Intensive Training (June 2021), 9-day intensive training organized by the Center for Nonviolent Communication.
ā¤Ā Conflict to Connection with Self & Others (April 2021), 12-week course on intrapersonal healing and conflict resolution taught by certified NVC trainer John Kinyon.